You Have the Power to Destroy a Child’s Future

Recently while at the post office, I bumped into a lovely stay-at-home mom I know. Aware of the success I have had as a mompreneur, she asked if I would mind giving her some career advice. After having been out of the workforce for the past 7 years, she was interested in contributing a few extra dollars per month to the household while perhaps also receiving a little mental stimulation. She had a few employment ideas, working part-time at a retail store in the mall or ringing up groceries, but was far from enthused about leaving her kids in the evening to make minimum wage. She also did not want to sell candles or cosmetics as a representative for one of the multi-level marketing companies.

“How did you do it? You have two kids and another on the way and you have created a great business.” she asked me. I responded to her the same way that I respond to the many people who ask, “Simple, I identified what I loved to do, I took a leap of faith and worked hard to put my passion to work in the real world.”

“Oh, I could never do that,” she said. She proceeded to list the many reasons why it would be impossible for her to tackle any sort of exciting venture that might charge her up and make her some money. With her endless list of road blocks she had literally paralyzed herself and drastically limited her options. Our short conversation left me a little depressed when it should have left me feeling excited for her exciting future. I knew that there was nothing that I could say to her to get her over the hurdles she had thrown up in front of herself.

Road blocks are the excuses people have for why they will “never be able to do it.” The fascinating thing about road blocks is they are usually very small, surmountable blips that effective people can solve before lunch. “Yeah, but, I will need liability insurance…”, “Yeah, but, I will have to get a business license…”, “Yeah, but, I will have to call people on the phone…”, “yeah, but I will have to find space to work…”, “Yeah, but, I need my sleep and can’t get up before the kids to do my work…”

Often people’s road block lists are extensive, seem never ending, and are a residual of limiting beliefs created during childhood. A limiting belief is a mental acceptance that a negative thought about oneself is true. “I am very shy so I could never speak in public.” “My brother is the smart one and I am the athlete so I could never finish that degree program.” “My father told me I would probably only be good at being a wife, so even though my idea to become an arts and crafts trainer is a good one, I better not try to start a business.” Limiting beliefs are powerful and feel very real to the person, but to the onlooker can sound like nonsense.

Limiting beliefs are not the same thing as honest self assessments, as in the following examples: “Becoming a professional tennis player is out of the question because I am 40 and have never picked up a racket;” “I am really great at running the daily operations of a company, but my abrasive personality wouldn’t be a good fit for the sales department;” and, “I worked very hard at physics in college, I even hired a private tutor, and I just do not have the mental aptitude to become a physicist.”

Parents, teachers, coaches, tutors, and trainers have a responsibility to avoid instilling limiting beliefs in children. Everyone can name at least one adult who said something so hurtful to us that we have shied away from the “offensive behavior” ever since. Having no crystal ball to see the future there is no way it is possible to know what a child is capable of achieving. Most negative assessments about a child’s abilities are at the very best premature and at the worst ridiculous, unfounded, callous, and harmful. What good does it do the child for an adult to look at his arts and crafts project and say, “Well, you probably should stop right there because you are just making a mess…too bad, but I just don’t see creativity in your future.” Or, “Manners lessons are wasted on you; you had better get used to paying high dry cleaning bills because your shirts will always be soiled.”

It is powerful to have a long-lasting and positive effect on a child. As adults we never know when a child will be touched by our words, so we should be conscious at all times of what we say and how we say it. The last thing that any well meaning, warm adult would ever want is to help introduce a limiting belief that stays with an impressionable child for life and keeps her from achieving her dreams and aspirations. Our words and actions can be the difference between someone who heads out into the world and makes things happen, and someone who sits inside too paralyzed to make a move.

Visit http://www.artsandcraftsmoms.com and become a certified arts and crafts trainer who helps build up children’s self esteem and never instills limiting beliefs in the students.

5 Golden Rules for Raising Well Mannered Children

Recently while grocery shopping, I overheard a grandmother comment, “Children should be seen and not heard.” She made the comment to her daughter I presume, about her own grandchildren who were not minding and acting out in the aisles.

The old adage is so outdated it sounds comical today, and I chuckled to myself when I heard the woman say it. However, I empathized with her. The kids were behaving rudely and not practicing good manners. “Can I have this? Can I have that? I want it! Get it for me!” The children’s rude behavior was not pleasant for any of us within the family’s vicinity. The grocery store is a public space, and all of us have an obligation to behave appropriately, even kids.

As the mother of little boys I am well aware that children can lose their marbles, however with early manners training children can be taught to curb their bad behavior and behave with good manners, even while mom picks out cantaloupe at the market.

If a poll was taken worldwide asking, “Have the rules of etiquette been allowed to relax?” people would overwhelmingly answer, “Yes!” If the next question on this poll asked, “Are you glad that etiquette rules have been allowed to relax?” the resounding answer would be, “No!” The vast majority of people respect good manners and want to live in a world where people are civil and polite. People want children to learn good manners and then practice those manners as adults. Good manners make us feel safe in a society where we are surrounded by strangers.

Stifling our kids, as suggested in the old adage, is not an option. So what is the secret to kids’ etiquette training?

5 Golden Rules for Well Mannered Children

1. Begin manners training early.
It is never too early to start instilling good manners in our kids. The tiniest of children can be taught to say please and thank you, wash their hands before eating, and not interrupt adults in conversation. Patience and continued reinforcement will, over time, teach kids that these rules are important and necessary. It is much easier to start manners training early than to wait until the child is a teenager and expect him to change bad manners patterns that have been developed over years. If a parent is unsure of the proper etiquette rules, hire a certified etiquette trainer to teach the basics.

2. Start with the basic building blocks.
Nobody expects young children to understand complex manners lessons. The etiquette trainer should start with basic concepts and as the child matures, build on these basic ideas. Simple concepts like proper utensil use, good hygiene, sharing, and gift giving and receiving are manners basics that offer a good stepping off point for more complex lessons later on. As the child masters the basics, more refined lessons can be introduced and practiced. Just as one wouldn’t expect a child to understand calculus before learning how to count, one can’t expect a child to be able to attend a formal dinner party without understanding how to hold a fork properly.

3. Use gentle reinforcement.
Using calm tones and kind words reinforce manners lessons daily. Manners need not be the focus of meals or other daily activities. Quite the contrary, ordinary conversation should be held throughout the day with quiet little reminders about manners peppered in. It is counter-productive to become angry with children because they are not following manners directions. It is only with gentle reinforcement and repetition that practicing proper etiquette will become effortless. It takes children eighteen years to mature, plenty of time to learn the rules of etiquette before leaving the nest.

4. Don’t bombard children with all of their mistakes.
Most people can only absorb three points of information at any one time. For example, phone numbers are broken into three parts to make for easier memorization. Keeping this in mind it is important not to overload children with many manners corrections. Choose no more than three rules to work on, say, during meal time, and gently reinforce until the child perfects. Once the child is comfortable holding a spoon correctly, chewing with a closed mouth, and sitting up in his chair, move on to three more manners rules. By focusing on just a few corrections at a time, the child won’t feel picked on or overwhelmed and will respond more positively to the etiquette lessons than if bombarded incessantly with all of his manners gaffs.

5. Model good manners.
Children are like super absorbent sponges and pick up on even the most subtle adult behaviors. It is imperative to model good manners in front of children. It is likely that a child with a rude parent will mimic that rude behavior. It is important to not only model good table manners, but to model integrity, respect for others, good hygiene and civility.

Following the 5 golden rules for raising well mannered children lays the foundation for a child’s successful future in so many ways…socially, civically, educationally and financially to name but a few. Investing the patience, time and thought into a child’s etiquette training gives kids an advantage that they deserve and contributes to society geometrically.

If you would like to follow your passion to teach children etiquette and start your own business visit http://www.etiquettemoms.com and become a Certified Children’s Etiquette Trainer!